I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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