just tell him i said nine months
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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