Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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