my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
