I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
