You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
