He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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