its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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