You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
