You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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