His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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