apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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