I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
