I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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