She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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