I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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