I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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