We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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