I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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