Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
