he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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