just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
