Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
