I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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