therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
