I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
