She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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