On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
