so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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