he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
