i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
