giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
