While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
