Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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