I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
