One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
