She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize