If i come over, it means nothing
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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