whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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