Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
