I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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