So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
