Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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