so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
