my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
