I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We need to get me chipped asap
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
