so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you didnt know i had herpes?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
