I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
