I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
