If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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