it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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