Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
