so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
