I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
