If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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