His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
