and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize