i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
