Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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