She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
