Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
