I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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