I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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