Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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