His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
