I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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