I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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