Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
