so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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