Swine flu. Run for my life!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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