i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
