dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
