the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
