Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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