I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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