im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
